Play as an Antidote to Tyranny

Self care is a catch phrase for our culture.  Take care of yourself, meditate, breath, do your hobbies, go out with friends, be creative and do what you love.  This is all edifying and you can’t give what you don’t have, so fill up to be able to give away.  The thought process makes sense, but do we have the question correct?  What is the question behind the answer of self care?  It might be something like, how do you not burn out?  Or, how you remain human, grounded and healthy when you’re pouring out to children, family, friends and community?  Or patients, clients, parishioners and the disabled?  

There has to be layers to this.  How am I affected by a hurting person?  Or a vulnerable person?  How does it interact with my trauma, story and temperament?  Now we’re peeling it back.  Deeper yet, many of us will come into contact with evil in the most fundamental way.  A person who has been sexually abused, betrayed by a spouse, tortured by a narcissistic partner (typically psychologically although we wouldn’t put it past the dark tetride to do that physically), etc. is going to carry a spirit into relationship that affects us.  Sometimes we encounter the actual perpetrator of these egregious acts.  That is not for the faint of heart.  Whatever the actual evil, the spirit of pride, rage, bitterness, resentment and revenge within the encounter with the compromised person (the narcissist for example) or the person who has come into contact with such a poison, will inevitably place a burden upon the you.  Have you come into contact with such a person?

Take a moment to consider your self talk.  Does it have a tyrant part?  Does that come out as critical, self harm or addiction with negative consequences?  This tyrant part might be a legacy voice, coined by Dr Richard Schwartz (2019). This is a reverberating voice from the past out of which we still operate.  This dictator is critical, harsh, shaming and unforgiving.  The stories couched within this voice are to be extracted, handled carefully and given proper healing treatment.  That is, if the we are willing to separate, or ‘unblend’, the legacy voice from the assailant.

God continually thwarts the tyrant in scriptures.  From Cain and his descendants, to Eli’s wicked sons, to Jezebel and the prophets of Baal and even to the pharisees themselves taken upon the yolk of Jesus, these tyrants are a ripple effect of the fall and they possibly find their way into our lives.  Shame transmits itself creeping down the leg of such a person and up the pants of the other, which is my own translation of a Brene Brown quote (Ted Talk 2017).  Naivety, avoidance or unawareness of how the shame of a tyrant operates will weigh heavy.  Self care only ‘works’ insofar as we are aware of our own stories and not allowing them to blend.

Enter play.  Play is the antidote to tyranny (Peterson, 2024).  If we are to use a sort of psycho/social/spiritual weapon against the tyranny to which others have been victimized or to which they might actually utilize, our own world of play becomes a necessary form of self care to ward off the spirit of the dictator we so often encounter.   

Let’s learn from the rats.  Rats love to play and their favorite game is wrestling.  The goal is to pin the other rat on his back, simple enough.  If a rat is 10% larger than his playmate, the larger one will pin him every time.  So why does the smaller one keep coming back?  After all, the smaller rat has to initiate the play.  A peculiar twist reveals that the larger rat has to allow the smaller rat to win at least 35% of the time in order for the dance of ask, wrestle and pin to continue.  Thus, a healthy rat park is not based on a dominant rat and if one does show up as a sort of tyrant, he does not last long within the colony.  Mutual play, negotiation (through rat language) and ‘sharing’ seem to be a few of the ‘virtues’ that rat colonies have to live by in order for them to function properly.

What does this mean for humans?  The bully does not last long on the playground.  The ladder climber for climbing sake does not win the esteem of colleagues.  A narcissistic spouse does not bear the fruits of love, humility and play.  The tyrant does not think about his future self and continually compromises it, over and over again.  Thus, play puts us on the same level as our kids, even our spouse, creating an iterative game of meaning and satisfaction.  Define play what you want in your imagination, which might look like rough and tumble play with your kids, golf, music, or board games.  This part of our humanity puts us on an even playing field, we are lost in the moment and time lapses.  Problems are forgotten for a time and our younger self is present which might include joy, a vulnerable emotion indeed.  Play puts us into a flow state, unselfconscious and capturing ourselves as we truly are when we let our guard down.  The pressures of life, the tyrant of the day and the critic within ourselves just might heal moment by moment when play is prioritized and engaged.  

What if a regular dose of play actually integrates the best parts within us so that we can be fully present to our loved ones and ready to face evil?  If the structure and priorities within our soul do not include the hammer of the tyrant but instead places play as an important virtue, our compassion for those affected by evil will increase, our proper, integrated anger will help others out of the pit and we might just be able to reflect the violence of the tyrant back to him or her, without our own self doubt or shame showing up in the room.  This is ideal!  And worthy to strive towards.