The Fear of Silence

Our world is loud. I sit in my office writing this blog and there’s the sounds of construction, sirens, voices on the street.

Our world is overstimulating. I’m writing this on my laptop, with too many tabs open, emails coming in every few minutes, and my phone lighting up constantly attempting to divert my attention.

Sometimes I want to chuck it all, move to Middle of Nowhere, Kansas and finally get some peace and quiet.

Quiet.

Silence.

Just me and my thoughts…

I don’t think I’d make it a week.

In my previous job, I worked with college women. They were avid TikTokers. Some of them began to realize how much of their day was spent on the app and decided to give it up for Lent. They wanted more peace and quiet.

But then they were alone with their thoughts.

Within days, their anxiety shot through the roof and several started experiencing panic attacks. I was baffled. Peace and quiet, right? They had the quiet, but peace was nowhere to be found. We brought in a therapist. After meeting with several of the women, she explained to me what was going on. These women had grown up on social media. Every time they experienced an uncomfortable thought or emotion, they would grab their phones and start scrolling, until eventually the feelings subsided. Constant stimulation. Constant noise. The anxious thoughts they were now confronted with had been below the surface for a while, and social media had served as a Band-Aid keeping them at bay. Once the Band-Aid was ripped off, the silence was deafening, and they were overwhelmed with thoughts and emotions that they had never learned to process.

As a therapist, I see this pattern regularly. Whether it’s media, work, or some other form of busyness, stimulation, noise, so often we are avoiding silence. Why do we fear silence? As I saw with the college women I was working with, as I’ve seen with my clients, and as I’ve noticed in myself, external silence brings attention to the noise within our own heads. These thoughts and emotions that run around all day, begging for our attention, and frequently being shoved out of sight, are finally given the spotlight when we step away from the distractions.

Dr. Iain McGilchrist, a British psychiatrist, writes about the two hemispheres of the brain in his book The Master and His Emissary (2009). He surmises that the left side of the brain, which is associated with language, logic, and analytical thinking, works to solve complicated problems, while the right hemisphere, which is linked to creativity, intuition, and spatial reasoning, works to solve complex problems (Peterson & Brooks, 2025, 9:22). Essentially, the left side of our brain is used to complete our everyday tasks and solvable problems, while the right side is what we use for contemplation of deeper questions – the ones that might not have clear answers.

In silence, we create space for experiencing and processing our negative emotions. How do I feel? Why do I feel this way? These two questions seem easy enough. How do I feel? Tired. Why do I feel this way? I didn’t get enough sleep last night. 1 + 1 = 2, just a quick activation of our left-brain capacities and we’ve solved it. Yet of course these questions are not always so easily answerable. How do I feel? …. Lonely. Why do I feel this way? Quick! Find a distraction! If we are in the habit of avoiding silence, these unprocessed thoughts and feelings can easily overwhelm us. Our mind wants to protect us from the discomfort of negative emotions, and often anxiety will kick in and flood us with thoughts. “What should I cook for dinner? When will I respond to those emails? How can I do everything I need to get done tomorrow?” Anything it can think of to avoid sitting in those uncomfortable questions. Yet those emotions have a way of making themselves known, and if we don’t give them the attention they need, they’ll start coming out sideways.

In his book, The Mindful Catholic, Dr. Greg Bottaro teaches about the concept of mindfulness, which he describes as “paying attention to the present moment without judgment or criticism” (2018). Mindfulness entails observing yourself and your surroundings, describing what you notice, and then actively participating in it. By practicing mindfulness, we can learn to embrace silence without overwhelming ourselves.

It’s important to take it slow. Now is not the time to go signing up for an eight-day silent retreat. Instead, simply try going for a walk. The rhythmic movement of walking stimulates both hemispheres of the brain, thus creating a safe mental space for emotional processing. Give yourself 10 minutes without the headphones and allow yourself to experience the initial discomfort.

Start by turning your attention to your physical reality. How does your body feel? Notice the sensation in your feet when your shoes hit the pavement, the feel of the breeze on your face, and the motion of your chest as you breathe in and out. Don’t be alarmed when distractive thoughts come in. Every time your thoughts begin to wander, gently refocus on the physical sensations. The brain is a muscle, and it takes practice to strengthen it. As you continue to do this, you will likely find it easier to parse through the many thoughts and emotions that are vying for your attention.

In a world that is often loud and overstimulating, we can easily find a million excuses to avoid silence. Yet it’s when we choose to accept discomfort and dig our heels into the present moment that we are able to find that peace and quiet which we all yearn for. By allowing space for the noise within our own minds, we can slowly begin to untangle the chaos, and we will find that silence is not something to be feared but to be embraced.

 

Lyndsay Hilton, PLPC

 

Bottaro, G. (2018). The Mindful Catholic: Finding God One Moment at a Time. Wellspring.

McGilchrist, I. (2009). The Master and His Emissary: The Divided Brain and the Making of the Western World. New Haven, CT: Yale University Press.

Peterson, J. B., & Brooks, A. (Hosts). (2025, March 10). The Longevity of Happiness (No. 528) [Audio podcast episode]. In The Jordan B. Peterson Podcast. https://open.spotify.com/episode/6qfIq3gjOhBfZRnbmskXaA?si=dc39884241924790